I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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