Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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