I cannot find my penis.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
