remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
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I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
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She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.