so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy