that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
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I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Found your dick twin last night
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I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.