I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.