I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.