So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.