hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
