this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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