Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"