if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize