We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
