you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
not ubering you a puppy
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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