No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.