so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
