It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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