So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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