i already hear my dad disowning me
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
