I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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