Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Less talking, more tequila
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
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