do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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