i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
