I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
