we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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