i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
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I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
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I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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