I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
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Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
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I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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