Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
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I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
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"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing