Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
This beer is not sobering me up at all
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her