If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
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You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"