I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.