You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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