There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
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answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
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I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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