I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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