I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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