I think I won the penis lottery.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
