I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
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he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
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She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.