smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.