I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.