I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.