Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
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they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
organizing the empties. That sober.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
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The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE