Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...