When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
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You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
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I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?