1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.