i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
