So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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