Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
