the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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