Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
