I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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