she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize