You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize