Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
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she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
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it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.