if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.