I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND