well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
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after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
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I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.