Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants