I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
