I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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