Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
