I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
