overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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