shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
