my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize