New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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