when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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