Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company