in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
