I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
